The Big "C"

June 18, 2020

It’s nearly 2am on Thursday, June 18th. I can’t sleep. My biopsy site hurts. I’m nauseous and have a headache. In less than 24 hours movers will be here to pack up my NYC apartment. That is not why I can’t sleep. My cancer is back. It’s in the same breast. It’s slightly larger and hopefully by the time I leave The Big Apple Saturday, I’ll know what kind of cancer it is. Is it same? Is it different? Has is spread? That answer will come in scans I have to take before I start my new job on July 6. Oh yeah. Did I mention that? I start a new job in a little over two weeks. It’s hard enough to get a cancer diagnoses during any time. It’s crazy during a Pandemic, a move to a new city and a new job transition. I have to find a new team and for that… I am grateful my current team at Sloan Kettering will help find me some doctors. 

Let’s rewind to  the following Friday. I head into my mammogram appointment at Sloan Kettering Memorial Cancer Center. For those of you who don’t know…I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016. This mammogram was a follow up to one in March. I had found a lump near the scar of my lumpectomy site. It was determined to be scar tissue. So, as you can imagine… I didn’t expect this mammogram to be any different than the other follow up mammograms and ultrasounds I’ve had since 2016. 

However, you know it’s never a good sign when during the ultrasound… the radiologist pulls out a ruler. My heart sank a little but I tried to stay positive. I never have had much scanxiety. Now, it was slowly seeping in. I tried to talk myself into the reasoning that the ruler was out to compare the current image to the one in March.  I put on my t-shirt and waited. 10 minutes later the same radiologist came in… with a doctor. Again, not a good sign. Turns out it was suspicious. The usually clear scan was not. It was time for a biopsy. 

On June 16th I went in bright and early for the procedure. Already, it was a busy week. I was moving and trying to get my background check results on the apartment I had applied for in Chicago. The biopsy went well. They told me I’d hear back by the end of the week. As I waited for the movers … in what was already a frustrating day for me (don’t ask LOL)… my cell rang. It was the same doctor. Good news. Results are in. Bad news. The cancer was back. I legit couldn’t believe it. I partly didn’t believe it because my team gave me a 5% chance of recurrence. Then I freaked out. Now, on top of all the blessings of moving to Chicago, a new job and a new apartment… this nasty thing called cancer had to show up uninvited to the Welcome Home party. I just thought to myself, “Seriously? WTH!”  I called a friend  sobbing and then quickly got myself together as the movers arrived. Cancer would have to wait… for now.