Dear Warriors and Thrivers...

Dear fellow Warriors and Thrivers,

It’s okay. It’s okay to mourn the life you had before cancer. 

Cancer sucks in general… but cancer during COVID really sucks.

Before moving back to Chicago I was excited to return home, start an exciting new job, reconnect with childhood friends, go up to Wisconsin to reunite with other friends and make new ones. I was also looking forward to Door County in the Autumn. COVID took my experiences, and yours, away… for now. We will reclaim our lives bit by bit. It may take longer then expected, but every day let's vow to do something to reclaim a bit of “normal.” For me, this particular day, it was a short stroll.

I went for a walk and scowled at people not wearing masks. I yelled internally, “Don’t you know how hard it is for me to get out for a walk! You’re taking your life, and others, for granted you selfish humans!” It’s hard for people who haven’t gone through chemo to truly understand what it feels like to have this poison run through your veins. You love it and you hate it. It’s going “Pew! Pew! Pew!” to your tumors so you cheer it on. However, it’s legit burning your body… healthy cells as well. The 10 minute walk took a lot of effort and I was in pain after.

My message to all you Thrivers and Warriors is simple. Keep going! It’s hard to keep living life when someone’s lack of respect for your own is always weighing on you. Health is the number one gift. I realized that when I first fought cancer in 2016. People take their health for granted. I’ve been guilty of that too. You’d think COVID would awaken the world to how precious good health is. I think some people are still asleep. While things won’t ever be the same due to the Coronavirus… we all have to adjust to the new “normal.”

To all of you who have your health this next message is for you. Please hear me. I understand you’re finding it difficult to accept your new “normal” too. Thanksgiving is upon us. It is my favorite holiday. No matter how much my extended family and I would love to get together… we are not. Pictures of packed airports and stories of people planning traditional, large, Thanksgiving gatherings are popping up on social media. Let’s all do what we can this holiday season so we can have large gatherings next year. Stay at home. Zoom together. Yes, I know your new normal sucks too! I am sorry for that. However, how much more will it suck if we have to do this again next year. How much will it suck if your Thanksgiving plans get you sick, your loved ones sick or complete strangers sick… or worse cause their death. It will suck. So let’s just suck it up and stay home. 

Sincerely,

Jessica

Find the Fantastic

Happy November everyone! It’s National Gratitude Month! You can thank “Alexa” for that little tidbit.

It’s been a few weeks since I last checked in. I do apologize. I just haven’t been feeling fab. At last check… it was scan time and I was going in for imaging to see if the chemo cocktail is working. They test after Cycle 3. I legit had scanxiety and drove my team coo coo for cocoa puffs checking in for results. I really wanted them before Cycle 4 and before the weekend. Pretty much 48 hours. So something to be grateful for during this National Gratitude Month… scans came back good! Nodules, lymph nodes and tumor either remained the same or shrunk a tiny bit (brain tumor scan is in December). No further cancer had spread! I burst into tears as I read the results out loud to my parents. It had been a stressful week. Besides the scans, I had been extremely irritable. I had started acupuncture in hopes of finding a new way to deal with the side effects of chemo. I had come back from a session just very irritable. If you know me, you know I’m not easily irritable. However, between the chemo and steroids… lack of taste and impending scans… I was a bit of a grouch. I’ve been a bit more stable, in terms of emotions, since then. Cycle 5 is around the corner. After Cycle 6 I’ll have more scans and possibly more chemo. 

In the meantime, I’ve been working from home when I can. Speaking of which… I realized it’ll be the second consecutive Presidential election I’ll be undergoing cancer treatment during. In 2016 I voted before chemo. Weird, huh?! I’m also a bit sad I’ll be missing another Presidential election at work. Cancer kinda crushed that experience. However, there ARE things to be grateful for. 

1. Zen Time I’ve been trying to zen out in the morning before starting my day and getting out of bed. I’m grateful for the influencers on YouTube that start my day off in a “cozy and quiet” way.
2. My Cozy Bed I am grateful I’m in my bed and not a hospital bed. While I may not be healthy, I am mobile and Coronavirus free.
3. My Family and Friends for which are always there for me and cheering me on. You are part of this journey and I am grateful for all of you… especially my parents.
4. Work Thousands are unemployed right now or furloughed. While I may not be there physically, I am grateful for my job and my work family. They have allowed me to both focus on my health and be a contributive part of the team.
5. Good Scans I am grateful for the scans to come back as good as possible. I know I have many, many more scans ahead of me. They may not always come back “good.” So, I am grateful that my treatment remains the same and nothing has spread. 

I’m sure there are things things you are grateful for as well. It’s been a challenging year for us all. Take a moment to think of one thing you are thankful for in your life… at this very moment. Carry that with you throughout the day/night. While things are uncertain, that one thing you’ve thought of IS certain. Every leaf is a flower. Every storm has a rainbow. You may not see it but it is there. Find the fantastic.