Double or Single?

June 29, 2020

It’s a new week. In one week I start my new job! Yippee! I’m really looking forward to meeting everyone and learning about the new show I’ll be working on. I’m also excited about going back to work. 

Let’s focus on this week though. This week… I get keys to my new apartment and an MRI. I’m also waiting to hear if my movers will ever show up. *insert eye roll*  You’d think a cancer diagnosis from a client would light a fire on their booties… but radio silence. I know they find me annoying… continually pushing them to get my belongings out of storage in NJ, onto a truck and here to Chicago. I mean it’s just cancer right? LOL. Speaking of which… double or single.

Double or single is the question I left off with in my last post. I had just met with both my surgeons. They both suggested that only my right breast go. My tumor is in my right breast. However, I talked to some warriors who went through mastectomies. I also did some online research. My gut told me to do both. I am still waiting for a test result and do have that upcoming MRI Thursday. However, I don’t feel the need to wait to hear what those results are. I want both my breasts gone. Not only will it give me peace of mine cancer-wise, but reconstruction wise I think the new boobies will be better off as a pair. I updated both surgeons today about my decision. I thought the decision might be hard. However, for me, it wasn’t. Bigger risk… but hopefully bigger reward. In an odd way, I’m looking forward to getting rid of the boobs. I’m looking forward to cutting out the cancer.  I’m looking forward to my new normal…as we all try to adjust to a new normal amidst the pandemic.

Consult Time

June 25, 2020

Type “Cancer” into any search engine and hundreds of web pages will pop up for you to peruse. There is a lot you can find online about cancer.  However, I haven’t found a lot about recurrent cancer. YouTube was such a massive help to me the first time around. Finding influencers who were thriving in their own fight against breast cancer encouraged, informed and inspired me. Maybe I’m not looking in the correct places, but I’m not finding much about the second time around. I hope that means there’s not so many of us who have had to kick cancer’s ass twice! For that reason, I’m taking you on my journey. I hope this blog will inspire you and remind you that you aren’t alone. In whatever journey you are on… cancer… life… love… that this blog will inspire you to keep going and always find the light in the darkness.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way let’s get you up to date. I have chosen (at this point) not to post on social media what is going on with my health. I moved to Illinois and am currently camped out at my parents condo in Evanston. I get keys to my apartment, in Chicago, July 1. Yes! The background check finally came back (insert happy dance here) Due to COVID-19 it took three weeks to get the check back! I still don’t know when the movers are coming. Please don’t get me started on that (insert eye roll). However, I will tell you never ever go with a moving broker. Speaking of moving… let’s move on to this cancer I’m going to kick to the curb.

The day after learning my cancer was back I was on the phone. My final day in NYC was me on the phone and email with Sloan Kettering and Northwestern Memorial Hospital. My plan… to get appointments with the oncologist and surgeon before I start work on July 6. Why you ask? Well, I wanted to have some sort of idea of what I was dealing with before telling my new employer. Talk about awkward. I just knew I didn’t want to start day 1 at work dropping a bomb… and dropping a bomb with not much info other than, “I have cancer.” 

So let’s fast-forward to June 25. My mom and dad drive me down to Prentice Women’s Hospital fo meet my surgeon. Yes, I was able to get an appointment pretty quick. However, not all my slides where there. For those of you recently diagnosed with cancer, and was done so not at the hospital you are going for surgery or treatment… note to self. You will be stressed as getting the pathology, etc. It is not as easy as it sounds. I spent most of my time from the 22nd up until the 25th following up with Sloan Kettering and trying to get Northwestern Memorial what I had to them. I wanted to ensure my surgeon would be able to make an informed decision with as much of the information as she could. I am still waiting FISH results and Northwestern is still awaiting pathology slides. 

My parents couldn’t be with me at the appointment due to COVID-19. However, the surgeon allowed them to join the consult on FaceTime. No big surprises here. I figured mastectomy and chemo. However, the “keep the nipple” and “do you want to keep both boobs” were two things I hadn’t thought of. She suggested just do a single mastectomy. She also suggested nipple sparing surgery as I was a good candidate. I told her I’d have to to think about the double vs single mastectomy but that “Yay!” nipple. The only bad thing about the consult was that I had hoped to have surgery in July. The new show I’m working for launches September 1. I figured get it out of the way and the cancer train could move on. However, surgery is now in August. Speaking of surgery… I met with my plastic surgeon. I didn’t quite expect that at all, but was grateful he squeezed me in. Unlike the surgeon, I was not so prepared for this consult. He suggested reconstruction (which I had planned) no nipple and also one boob. Due to my prior radiation, he also brought up the latissimus flap reconstruction. I decided “no nipple,” and add the add-on. I mean, I wish it was like an add-on you get at a nail spa. Sure! I’ll add on a massage to the pedicure. This… not so much. However, if it gives me peace of mind that the implant will take… I’m all for it.

So now… decision time. Will it be a single or double? And no, I’m not talking liquor. 

The Big "C"

June 18, 2020

It’s nearly 2am on Thursday, June 18th. I can’t sleep. My biopsy site hurts. I’m nauseous and have a headache. In less than 24 hours movers will be here to pack up my NYC apartment. That is not why I can’t sleep. My cancer is back. It’s in the same breast. It’s slightly larger and hopefully by the time I leave The Big Apple Saturday, I’ll know what kind of cancer it is. Is it same? Is it different? Has is spread? That answer will come in scans I have to take before I start my new job on July 6. Oh yeah. Did I mention that? I start a new job in a little over two weeks. It’s hard enough to get a cancer diagnoses during any time. It’s crazy during a Pandemic, a move to a new city and a new job transition. I have to find a new team and for that… I am grateful my current team at Sloan Kettering will help find me some doctors. 

Let’s rewind to  the following Friday. I head into my mammogram appointment at Sloan Kettering Memorial Cancer Center. For those of you who don’t know…I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016. This mammogram was a follow up to one in March. I had found a lump near the scar of my lumpectomy site. It was determined to be scar tissue. So, as you can imagine… I didn’t expect this mammogram to be any different than the other follow up mammograms and ultrasounds I’ve had since 2016. 

However, you know it’s never a good sign when during the ultrasound… the radiologist pulls out a ruler. My heart sank a little but I tried to stay positive. I never have had much scanxiety. Now, it was slowly seeping in. I tried to talk myself into the reasoning that the ruler was out to compare the current image to the one in March.  I put on my t-shirt and waited. 10 minutes later the same radiologist came in… with a doctor. Again, not a good sign. Turns out it was suspicious. The usually clear scan was not. It was time for a biopsy. 

On June 16th I went in bright and early for the procedure. Already, it was a busy week. I was moving and trying to get my background check results on the apartment I had applied for in Chicago. The biopsy went well. They told me I’d hear back by the end of the week. As I waited for the movers … in what was already a frustrating day for me (don’t ask LOL)… my cell rang. It was the same doctor. Good news. Results are in. Bad news. The cancer was back. I legit couldn’t believe it. I partly didn’t believe it because my team gave me a 5% chance of recurrence. Then I freaked out. Now, on top of all the blessings of moving to Chicago, a new job and a new apartment… this nasty thing called cancer had to show up uninvited to the Welcome Home party. I just thought to myself, “Seriously? WTH!”  I called a friend  sobbing and then quickly got myself together as the movers arrived. Cancer would have to wait… for now.

Winds of Change

Everything happens for a reason. I am true believer of that. 

8 years ago I came to New York to fulfill a dream of working in The Big Apple. It took years of hard work, “no’s” and determination to get to ABC. I left a good job I enjoyed in Chicago to try something new in television. I am so grateful for the people I have met, the challenges I have faced, the friendships I have made and the new skills I have learned. I am forever grateful for my parents who helped make this dream possible with their love and support. However, it is time to go. You know… when it’s time to go. You just know. That time has arrived for me… in the middle of a pandemic. LOL While leaving during this crazy time is bittersweet… I’m looking forward to being closer to family, back in the Midwest (with central air!) and to the adventure and challenge that’s ahead of me. 

I am returning to “Chicago’s Very Own,” to be part of News Nation on WGN America. This new 3 hour national program, launching September 1, has a goal of straight-forward, straight down the middle news without the debate and opinion you might see elsewhere. The vision of News Nation leaders for how to present the stories that effect you and me is partly what attracted me to this opportunity. I can’t wait to see it evolve and grow and share it with you. 

You know, I worked at WGN before I came to NYC. I had just finished a wonderful three year contract at WISN in Milwaukee. WGN was my first non line producing job. It was fun to learn  something new with great people. I then learned something new when I started on the Regional Desk at ABC. Now I get to take that experience with me back home to Chicago! My current job has prepared me for my future job. Funny, huh? It has all come full circle. The winds of change are blowing me back to The Windy City.

New York will always be special to me. It’s where I beat cancer. It’s where I saw my dream become a reality. It’s where my love of Broadway was reignited. It won’t be goodbye. It’s, “See you later!” As King George sings in Hamilton the Musical, “I’ll be back.” But, for now… it’s time to move forward. To keep going. Change is exciting and scary. You have to remember to live life fearlessly. As Robin Roberts said, “Why would you let fear keep you from your destiny.”