It’s amazing that in a city of more than 8 million people that you can feel lonely .... but I think a city highlights one’s loneliness. I base that belief on my experiences living in all different parts of the country. I live alone, and typically don’t feel alone. I have a small group of friends and family that are always a Skype session, text, or phone call away. So, I don’t know if what I’ve been feeling is loneliness or isolation. I know I’m on orders to be off the feet and “resting,” but it’s just kinda ... well lonely ... especially in a fairly new city. I’m an only child so I don’t mind doing things alone or being alone, but it’s times like this ... where in a city of more than 8 million people ... there are moments you just feel alone. Whether it’s the cute couple sitting at the table next to you or if you’re sitting at the park watching a family picnic. We have all those moments. They’re normal to have.
I never really felt lonely growing up. As an only child I had to be creative. When I felt alone I’d tape record a radio show with my Cabbage Patch Kids. OMG the tapes! Where are they? You would laugh your booty off if you heard them. Let’s just say my “shows” were hilarious, and a bit weird. I had voices for my Cabbage Patch Kids! I was also a “spy.” I had a neighbor with, like, 8 kids. I used to take out binoculars and “spy” on them. Yeah, it sounds creepy but it was harmless. Let’s just say I was big into Harriet The Spy books. I did read a lot. I also did a lot of dancing in the basement of our duplex to keep occupied.
As I’ve gotten older I’ve found it more difficult to deal with my moments of loneliness ... especially when it’s hard to do something on your own about it. The things I typically would do to kick my butt out of the “stop feeling mopey, lonely ” moments I am unable to do right now. I’m stuck indoors, for the most part, trying my hardest to do what I’m asked by doctors and physical therapists, before a much anticipated and much needed mini vacation that luckily will require me to do a lot of nothing. I’ve been doing a lot of “RICE:” Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation. I’d rather be at work, dance, pilates or just outside living life. I miss the subway. It’s not normal for me to be in a car ABOVE ground. It reminds me that I’m temporarily sidelined. I miss living life in general.
Those who know me know I always try to find the positive in things. So here it is. On the upside ... being sidelined has allowed me to be grateful and more appreciative of the every day activities that I may sometimes complain about. I now understand how Facebook and Twitter can make someone jealous of other people’s lives. I mean I love seeing how you all are doing, but it also reminds me of what I’m unable to temporarily do. However, it also reminds me that life is waiting for me to get back on the roller coaster of work, dating, subway riding, dance, pilates classes, Broadway-show-going, symphony listening “normal” life. That this is just a temporary blip. I'm going to leave y'all with a favorite movie song of mine. It reminds me the sun will come out ... that you're never fully dressed without a smile ... and that I have to buy tickets to the musical.
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