Day 10: "Dear MBC" The Marathon Part II

November 6, 2016

Good Morning! It’s the calm before the marathon madness. The barriers are up, the runners are  getting ready, and soon the streets surrounding my apartment will be full of cheering … and later on…. finishers! 

As I get up and look at the barriers I realize those of us battling cancer … or any kind of long-term health issue …. are all running marathons … just a different kind. We are being cheered on, just like the marathon runners getting ready to pound the pavement. I see the cheering in Instagram posts of fellow warriors. I see it in Tweets. We are all cheering each other on.

As I hear a cowbell ring outside it hits me. I’m rounding the corner on the second leg of my own kind of New York City marathon! I’m exhausted. My bones feel old. I look tired. I am just tired. I’m so tired that my tired is tired! However, I look to my right and see the aid station before the next leg of the race. I look to my left and I see all my friends and family cheering … just like those who have their friends and family supporting them on the streets of New York today.

As Dean Karnazes once said, “Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.”

October 10, 2021

Dear MBC,

I wrote the above blog post five years ago. I remember I was sitting in my Upper West Side apartment. 72nd Street was closed to traffic. It was the day of the New York City Marathon. I remember hearing the cowbells ringing. I was finishing up chemo when I wrote that blog. That cancer journey was a marathon and I did finish! YAY! 

Fast forward to today... five years later. It’s the day of the Chicago Marathon. 

The only difference is that this marathon doesn’t have a finish line… yet. 

There is no cure for Metastatic Breast Cancer… yet. 

For those of us with chronic illnesses we run the marathon… forever. 

Today, as I run my own personal Chicago Marathon… I see friends and family cheering. Just like in New York, they are holding up signs that read “Keep Going!” “Hope!” “You can do it!” I hear horns and cowbells but I drown them out. I’m in my bubble of running. Sometimes I walk. Sometimes I crawl. Sometimes I full out stop. I need to rest. The bubble bursts and I hear the cheers erupt again. It prompts me to keep going.

When I finished my first battle with breast cancer I wanted to tattoo the word “Hope” on my wrist. The “p” was going to be a treble clef because music has always played a role in my life. Now, I want a tattoo that says “Keep Going.” I want it on the side of my foot. However, I don’t think tattoos are something I’m able to get. I’m a bit boney so it would probably hurt more. I don’t want to risk an infection either. It’s something I’m considering in the future. Wow! That’s the first time I've thought about the future in awhile. I’m always so “in the now.” How do I feel now… what am I doing now. It’s nice to think about the future. I’ll be at the theatre... in the future. I’ll be at the Chicago Botanic Garden... in the future. Those are places I’ll pass as I run my marathon. 

I pause to look at my ChiMarathon app. I see the two people I’m tracking neck and neck! They just passed the halfway mark and I couldn’t be more proud. “Proud.” That’s another sign I see as I run. Unlike an actual marathon, mine isn’t tracked by miles but by milestones! Milestones such as radiation, infection cured, chemo, etc. Those are just some of my “mile markers” I’m proud to have crossed. I'll see them again on my marathon map. I see a couple more coming up. I see a stone flashing “October 18th: New Chemo!” I see another mile marker that reads “Race for the Cure.” 

I'm telling you MBC... one day there will be a cure. There will be a cure to get rid of you and ALL cancers. Why? I’ll tell you why. I’m just one cancer crusher in a world of thousands! Our families… our friends... and those of us fighting you… we want to crush you. With the help of science, research and trials there will be a day when there is a finish line. You will be crushed. There WILL be a cure. I might not be here for it but others will. Just like a marathon you have to keep going. You have to keep taking those steps. With every new breakthrough the finish line gets closer. Just keep going. As Dean Karnazes once said, “Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.”