Day 1

October 1, 2021

Dear MBC,

It’s been quite the week. You’re seriously trying to push me down. Chemo side effects from Monday’s infusions are kicking in. I didn’t sleep much last night because you graced me with hot flashes and some really strange pain in my pelvis. Thankfully, that dissipated mid-morning. Not sure what that was but the coffee solved that problem! LOL It also gave me some energy. 

Despite the bursts of energy…your fatigue tends to drain me… but more so the past couple days. It’s been a draining week both emotionally and physically. You decided to spread… once again… to my lung. Seriously? WTF! I crushed you and you decide to sprinkle tumor cells in my lung’s lymphatic system. That’s just uncoolio. I get it. You want to thrive but so do I. 

Thriving is why I try spreading the golden light of my chi at acupuncture. I settled onto the table for my treatment. “Breath in, and let the golden light fill in the cancer cells and lesions,” said my therapist. She moxa’d the crap out of you and pinned me with needles to help combat the fatigue, nausea and headaches you’re putting me through. While I was full of energy this morning the treatment has me dead tired. That slammed against the wall of fatigue just has crashed down on me like a tidal wave. It’s still with me, hours later, and I just want it to go away! I want it all to go away so I can eat… so I can enjoy my Friday night… so I can be normal… so I can stay up past 5pm, 6pm or 7:30pm.

Nothing is normal about you though. Nothing is normal anymore. One day though… I promise you… things will be normal… even if it’s for a few hours, days or months. Where I don’t think about you or feel you. Team Cancer Crushers will get a hold of you and stabilize you so I can live life more. The chemo and other treatments will lasso you in. That day is just not today.  I just have to wade through the crap side effects I’m feeling right now and know that tomorrow is a new day. I am grateful for that. Not everyone gets a new day. 

Sincerely,

Jessica

P.S. Can we please cool it with the nighttime hot flashes. Thanks.