“Sometimes I wish I would wake up slightly different. My hair would be nicer. I would be skinnier. I wouldn’t be lazy, not yell for stupid reasons, not be as shy, look prettier. Tomorrow I am winning back 1st chair and standing up straight too.” That's what I wrote in my diary on April 3rd 1990. I was 12-years-old.
If I was my 42-year-old self talking to my 12-year-old self this is what would happen. I’d sit my younger self down in her blue velvet chair in her bedroom with the Michael Jackson pillow on it and say...
“Jess. Why are you so critical of yourself? Cut yourself some slack girl! That’s good you recognize you are yelling for stupid reasons, but you are not that shy. You may be shy around boys but you are an outgoing girl. Don’t be afraid to come out of your shell in those shy moments. It won’t break.
It’s also okay to wake up, “not grumpy and perky and happy.” You wrote that too. It’s how you deal with those feelings that matter, Jess. Make a list in the morning of what your grateful for and what you have going on that day to look forward to. Do that when you feel down. When you are done with that go to the bathroom mirror. Look in that mirror and say, “You are loved. You are unique. You are amazing.” Speaking of which…
You may not be part of the “in” crowd but you have an amazing small group of friends. You will be grateful for that when you're an adult and they're still some of your closest friends!
Also, Jess. You are not lazy. Oy vey! You hustle girl! You're in Swing Choir, band, cheerleading and have your own “alley tour” company. The tour is an imaginative and entrepreneurial venture! Many entrepreneurs are successful business people today. Go you for being ahead of the times. Also, it’s OK to have lazy days. It’s okay to take time for you.
Your hair. Embrace the curls! Yes, I see you rolling your eyes… BUT yes! Embrace the frizz. I know you wish you had the long straight hair with the high bangs. What curly-haired girl in the 90s doesn't. BUT your curls make you you. Why do you want to look like everyone else?! Be you! Trust me. Everyone wants your curly locks. You won't believe what your hair looks like today. It’s pretty cool… and curly.
As for being skinnier. (Now I’m rolling my eyes at myself) You have a great body! Despite me saying that I know you don't, and won't, believe it. I’m sorry to say that as you get older your body image issues continue. I don’t think social media (which you have no clue what that is yet) helps. I do want you to know that you ARE beautiful. You will have days that you struggle and feel your body is not “perfect.” What IS perfect anyway? The idea of what is perfect is different for every person on this planet. So really, is perfection even something to aspire to? Be YOU! God created your body for YOU! Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone is traveling their own paths in their own bodies. Embrace the skin that you are in. Remember, your body got you to where you are. It has carried you through rough times. Appreciate your home and take care of it.
You do you, Jess. You are Be-YOU-tiful."
xoxo
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