Almost There

Guess what day it is? My one year Cancerversary! I’m not married… yet. Where are you Prince Charming?! I like a good celebration… so dang it… I’m celebrating an anniversary! On this day last year I heard those three years. “You have cancer.” This year, I’m turning the frown I had last year upside-down and turning it into one big Cheshire Cat smile! 

One year later I am done with surgery. I am done with chemotherapy. I am done with radiation. I am done with physical therapy. I have two more Herceptin infusions to go and many years of hormone therapy ahead, but I Wished Upon a Star and now I See The Light. I was talking to someone at the hospital this week when they asked what I learned over the year. One sentiment I did take away you can find in a song in the Disney movie “Moana.”

There comes a day

When you’re gonna look around

And realize happiness is where you are

Whenever I feel something negative begin to drown me I take a deep breath and remember where I am. I am not in the same place I was last year. Ask me what my priorities in life are now and they are different. Now my daily activities reflect what is important to me. I’ve always been a lover of “the little things.” Now I’m so much more deeply in love with those things. The “bless you” after I sneeze by a random stranger. The “like” of a Tweet I posted. The taste of food. I realize the happiness of where I am at that moment. It doesn’t have to be a good moment. It could be that some boob just bumped me over on the subway platform to catch a train. I pause, roll me eyes, take a deep breath and re-set my reaction. I can create happiness. I am responsible for my happiness. My thinking is no longer of annoyance, but of gratitude … thankfullness that I’m standing on that subway platform to be knocked into and not bedridden with chemo caused fatigued. 

Being happy is healthy. Being happy takes courage. That said, I’m on my way to the Happiest Place on Earth! I’m marking the milestone by going to Disney World with a dear friend. I haven’t been able to take a vacation for over a year. I’m putting on my Hakuna Matata hat and… as I wrap this post up… reminding you to think happy. As a wise fairy said, "All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust."

Yom Tov

It’s Monday! Happy Monday everyone. It should be. However, I woke up this morning with tears on my cheek and a pocketful of anxiety. Oy vey! So, I said “Screw you anxiety!” I took a few deep breaths and hit snooze. This was not how I wanted to start the beginning of my favorite Jewish holiday… Passover! I wanted to re-set this day and the tone of it. So, 8 minutes later my alarm went off again and I’ve decided to start it with an F(#)!% You to anxiety, a cup of tea, a handful of Dark Chocolate Powerberries from Trader Joe’s and a trip to a spin class I haven’t been to since my chemo days. Take that anxiety! 

Passover is my favorite Jewish holiday. I have so many fabulous memories of my grandma, Seder and my family just having a blast over our abbreviated Haggadah. I usually am home for the first night of Passover. This year I will be at work. Last year (Passover was later in April) I was stepping out of O’Hare airport and onto my new path as a newly (less than 24 hours new) diagnosed cancer patient to celebrate the holiday with my family. I’m a bit annoyed that cancer has screwed with my happy Passover memories. So, I’m making this Monday a marvelous one and this first night a celebratory one. I’m allowing my anxiety tears to fall for one more minute as it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling. It’s not okay to let it overcome me and mess with my day. So, as I take a sip of my tea I hit re-set as I hit “send” on this blog.  

We should all celebrate something this Monday. We have all made it to another week. We all can find something to be grateful for as we rise out of bed. What am I grateful for? I am grateful that I am not on the path I was last year. I’m taking a right turn onto a new, less mountainous path. The Angel of Death passed over me. I’ve left the hell of Egypt, that the Jewish people endured thousands of years ago, and am making my way to the Promised Land. I am moving forward. Have a marvelous Monday!