Turning On The Light

“She knows who she is. She just forgot for a while.” -- Donald Miller

 As I sit home, sick, I’ve had time to think today. My week began with some much very needed days off in Nebraska. I was visiting my best friend. One of a few friends that has seen me on my craptastic days and on my best days. The days where I’ve lost my way on the path of life. I’ve never been really great at directions. Just ask anyone ... especially my parents. They’ve never forgotten the one time I got lost in Evanston. I was driving and had gotten to the lake and couldn’t figure out where to go next. So I call them up on the cell and tell them I’m at the lake and ask where to go next. They’re answer, “Turn around. You can’t go any farther.”

But I’m diverting. I’ve been home resting and found a video I made of my apartment. I’ve been in New York, in this apartment, for nearly a year. It was a video I made to show my parents and close friends my new place. Let’s just say my closet was a lot emptier. It’s a bit more ... umm, what’s the word I’m looking for? Fuller? As I looked into my closet I reflected on the past year. The closet is full of work clothes I brought with me from Chicago, comfy clothes I bought at boutiques around Brooklyn, and a couple of Priscilla Queen of the Desert t-shirts. 

If you’ve read my very early blog posts ... my journey to New York hit a few snags. I’ve made some pit stops on my way here. My first attempt at trying to get to New York three years ago had failed. Since I wasn’t moving to New York I moved to Chicago to my family and to a wonderful job at WGN. The path to New York had been blocked, but another path had opened up and led me back home.  While I was blessed to have a job I really enjoyed with great people ... and thankful to be closer to my family ... I often felt like I was in a cave that first year in Chicago. I felt that I'd lost my way on the path of life ... that I wasn’t being the best version of me. I still feel that way every now and again. I’m sure some of you do too. When I didn’t make it to New York ... I forgot what my purpose was. I don’t mean my purpose as my fate, or my destiny, or the part that’s been created by some greater being. I mean a purpose I create for myself. A life that I want to lead and the person I want to be at the end of it. Every now and again I wake up in a darkened room and can’t quite see the direction I’m supposed to be heading. Deep down I know who I am and I know where I’m supposed to be ... but because I didn’t see the light right when I woke up ... I feel like I have to spend the rest of the day stumbling about in the dark trying to find a way to flip it back on. Sometimes I find it, but sometimes it takes someone else or something else to turn it back on. 

So thank you to everyone who have flipped my switch on over the years. From my parents, my grandma, my oldest and dearest friends, to my bestest friend ... to new friends ... to those who have touched my life just by being you.

I think it’s safe to say I know who I am. I just forgot for a little while. And maybe one day ... I can flip your switch back on... just like you have mine.