Goodbye 2020!

Goodbye 2020! What a year it has been for all of us. We made it though! We are almost there. Congratulations! Let’s give each other virtual high-fives.

We are probably all wondering if the hardships of this year will spill into the new year. 2020 has been filled with a lot of uncertainty and darkness. Many questions are still unanswered for us. Will we achieve our goals? Will we ever return to some kind of “normal?” What will happen to this planet and its’ people? Is the future as dark as what it has been? I say… there is light. 

Whenever you fall into the darkness don’t ever forget what you are capable of. We are all survivors. We are all examples of light to one another. If we can’t support one another and inspire each other to be better people… to choose hope instead of giving into hopelessness… then we’ve lost sight of the light. I am guilty of that. We can each be a source of hope and commit to keeping the flame lit. We can be an example to others who've given up and turned away from the light and are in the dark. 

The new year comes with a new brightness. Hold onto it. Fill yourselves with the possibility of a future that's full of love, light and kindness. 2021 is full of possibility. A new year.  A new chance. A new beginning that so many people won’t get to see due to the Coronavirus. Help illuminate 2021 in honor of those who light up the night sky as the stars they now are… shining their spirits upon the world. 

So, raise your coffee… water… cocktail… or whatever you may be drinking at this very moment. Cheers yourself! Cheers to a New Year! Cheers to the light!

New Week. New Cocktail.

Happy December y’all! Can you believe ’tis the holiday season and it’s nearly over? I hope you are finding the brightness among the darkness of the changes due to the Coronavirus.

I know I’m trying to find the light after what’s been a coo coo for cocoa puffs week. As I sit here in bed… typing this… I am thankful to be in my home and having tea with some candles lit. It’s the first time I’ve been “still” all week. As you know, I was rounding the bases in terms of chemo. My October scans came back “good.” They showed mostly shrinkage and containment. I’d been excited and hopeful to add on cycles 7/8 of chemo and say goodbye to chemo and its’ craptastic side effects. Fast forward to December 11th and this past week. The days have been full of some work… but many emails, phone calls and trips to the hospital for tests. Long story short is that my scan results of my brain and body are back. To say the results were shocking would be an understatement. They still haven’t really set in yet.

You all have been cheering me on from the stands as I’ve been rounding the bases of treatment. Well, I am being held on third base. It looks like home base will have to wait. 

The good news is no cancer in my bone! Yay! More good news is the gamma knife worked and my brain tumor shrank! Yay! The bad news… I have 8 new and tiny lesions that are too small to do anything with in terms of gamma knife. In terms of lymph nodes, breast and lungs… I’ll just say it was a complete 360. The scan showed progression. Boo! In other words, some new spots and growth. This was no what anyone expected. I always knew this was a possibility. However, I just didn’t think this first line of defense would fail so fast. 

I’m starting my second line of defense this week. I’ll continue with one of my targeted therapy infusions. It’s still every three weeks at the hospital. However, I’ll be dumping the first kind of chemo and the other targeted therapy infusion for …. drum roll…. two other treatments. Both are pills and one is chemo. Chemo will be 6 pills daily for 14 days then seven days off. The other is a daily pill that is a new targeted therapy.  My heart sank when hearing this. I thought my chemo days were nearly done. To say I was overwhelmed with this news is an understatement. The idea of monitoring my side effects more closely and timing out pills and meals is just “meh.” Also, starting a new chemo cocktail is always scary. You don’t know how you'll react and what side effects you'll get. You can read all the comments on support groups you want, etc… but everyone reacts differently. I’m also still coming off my original chemo cocktail. I’m not giving myself a break. I just want to keep doing my best to crush this cancer.

At the end of this not great week… I am thankful though. I’m grateful for my health insurance. I am grateful for my parents who have been on this emotional roller coaster with me. I am grateful for all of you cheering me on and showing your support. Team Cancer Crushers rock! I’m holding at third base right now but will slide into home base at some point. For now I’m taking off my helmet and going back to the amusement park. Gotta stop for some popcorn before I see what kind of roller coaster this new cocktail puts me on. Maybe the new cocktail will just put me on the Tilt-A-Whirl… but first popcorn.