Embracing Your Body

Happy Tuesday! It’s day two of my special week of Sending Smiles messages. I’m digging a bit deeper into issues I’m dealing with in hopes it’ll spark some self-care when it comes to your own life.

Today is an issue I think everyone deals with. Body image. What is the perfect body? Does it exist? I’ve started to hate the idea of the “perfect” body because I feel we should all be focusing on having a healthy body. The “perfect” body simply means (to me) the healthiest version of the body you already have. It’s not about a certain waist size, or if your butt looks like Kim Kardashian’s, but more about how you feel living in your own skin.

It’s been a struggle, but I have finally let go of the idea of the “perfect” body. 9 months ago I was a size 2/4. I was done with cancer treatment, was more active and was looking my best. I felt I was in the perfect body for me. I looked and felt healthy. Then I started Tamoxifen and that changed. I went from a size 2/4 to a 6/8 in a couple of months! Now, let me shout it from my Harlem fire escape (let me grab my megaphone), “There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with being a size 6 or 8!” Nothing! It was just a shock for me and I’m still trying to get used to my new “home.” 

That’s what your body is. Your home. It houses your heart, your brain, your muscles, your ligaments. It fights off illness and expunges bacteria that invades it. It’s your friend. So, instead of fighting it and trying to get back to my former 2/4, I work daily to make sure my size 6/8 body is the best and healthiest it can be. The weight gain has made me realize I was born with this body and I am going to love it every step of the way. I am not perfect. I never will be. I have rolls and that is ok. I’m learning to embrace them and make sure they’re the most beautiful, healthy rolls ever! This 42-year-old has finally realized that having a roll or two or three is okay. Every day I strive on becoming a better version of myself. Please don’t ever give up on becoming the best version of yourself. I don’t care if this is a 275 pound you or a 110 pound you—it is you. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Embrace yourself. Be yourself.

Unplugging

“Sometimes you don’t need to know about everyone else’s life. Sometimes you just need to focus on yours.”

Yes, I texted that to a friend Saturday. I decided I needed to unplug from social media for the weekend. I’ve been feeling super anxious. While work and an overflowing amount of doctors appointments are obvious triggers to my anxiety… they are nothing new. I’m also on Tamoxifen and a heart monitor which also, I feel, may be contributing to how I’m feeling.

My anxiety had been pretty under control since March, but the last two weeks I’ve found myself bursting into tears for no reason, completely exhausted and just full of unneeded nervousness. 

On Saturday, as I woke to my phone pinging and beeping with alerts and messages I wondered, “Is it technology that’s, in part, giving me anxiety?” The first thing I typically do when I wake up is hit the social media apps. I asked myself why. I love seeing what others are doing but, maybe (I thought to myself) I need to focus on what I am doing. So, with that I decided I was unplugging from social media for the weekend. Now, I am extending that until I get to work. I have to be on Twitter for work. I do not need to be on Instagram. 

Speaking of Instagram, I am banning the Insta-life world for the week. I found myself accidentally clicking on the app over the weekend and then quickly closing it! Could the Insta-life be contributing to my anxiety? Could all the continuous focus on seeing what others are up to be effecting my mental well-being? I’ve decided to find out. I am trying a little experiment. I will continue to not have my text alerts on. I will continue to avoid Instagram. I will get on Twitter only when I get to work. This is my challenge this week. Will this help with my anxiety? I have a feeling it might.

In closing, many of you know I send out Sending Smiles tweets in the morning to kick off your days with positivity. This week, I’ll be digging a little deeper as I continue to try and sprinkle light and love in the Twitterverse.  I’ll be blogging about topics I’m personally dealing with in my life right now. Those blogs will be my Sending Smiles…

1. In hopes that it shows you are not alone if you’re going through something similar
2. To see if the morning writing eases my anxiety 
3. That it sparks some self-care when it comes to your life

So, thank you for helping me on this week-long journey. I hope, in turn, it helps someone else.