The Drop Zone

As a kid my friends and I would go to Great America. We’d ride the coasters, water rides anything that spins. Once in a while we’d ride something called The Drop Zone. I’ve never been a fan of those rides. You’re strapped in… hoisted over a 100 feet into the air… then plummeted at a high speed back down… sometimes stopping in the middle. Ummm. Yeah. No. 

That’s how this week has been for me. As you probably know I had my cat scan on Monday. It had been postponed due to a prior allergic reaction I’d had during a previous scan. After 13 hours of allergy prep I went in ready to rumble. I drank the mocha flavored sludge and the scan was over in 5 minutes. Yes. 5 minutes! LOL! If only scan results could come that fast, right? 

After a couple of days I checked in with my breast surgeon’s office via email. I was still awaiting bone scan results from the previous week. They had to be back, right? 

My phone rings. The Drop Zone begins to fall and I holler in delight. The good news. The bone scan was clear! I was soooo happy. Victory! Then the words, “I have some not great news about your CT scan. We found an abdominal aortic dissection in your abdomen. I need to call vascular for a second opinion but you could be bleeding internally and get ready to go to the ER.” The Drop Zone screeched to a hard halt mid drop. I wish I could have seen the look on my face because it was probably the “WTF” luck. Long story short. I didn’t have to rush to the ER. However, the PA made it very clear that any symptom I have could be a sign I’m bleeding internally and I could die fast. I took a breath and was like, “Well that’s meh. What else can you tell me about the scan?” Turns out I have quite a few enlarged nodules and lymph nodes in my chest and above my collar bone. This did not shock me. I mean the number of them did, but the news itself was what I figured it would be. Not the best news. Could be worse. I need a biopsy.

The next day was spent working and making appointments ASAP. The PA emailed back asking, “How are you feeling today? Quite a bomb I dropped on your lap yesterday. Now that you’ve had a little time to process can I do anything to help?” That’s very kind of you, but no thank you. You’ve freaked me out! I’m dangling 100 feet in the air holding on for dear life… thinking every pain I have is me bleeding to death and not knowing it! Thanks. LOL. I spent the next 48 hours asking myself, “Should I go to the ER?” It’s hard knowing what pains, etc go with what health woe. Is it just the breast cancer causing what I’m feeling? Maybe it’s the enlarged lymph nodes and nodules? Is it the dissection? It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t just me on The Drop Zone. It was my family and small group of friends I had told! They were, and are, rock stars for checking in on me constantly and just cheering me on. Thank you! (You know who you all are)

Friday was the day. We were meeting with the vascular surgeon. I was already told my mastectomy was likely going to be put on hold until we figure out what was going on… that chemo would likely be up to bat first.

My parents and I arrived at the hospital and waited… and waited. My vascular surgeon had been called into emergency surgery. Finally, he came in. The Drop Zone begins to fall and suddenly jolts to a halt… again. It’s not an abdominal aortic dissection! It was a misdiagnoses! It’s something called a “web” that I likely may have had all my life. I did a strong internal eye roll and let out a tiny sigh of relief that it was nothing. My parents were over the moon as well. I think we were all prepping for a surgery. 

So, where am I today you ask? I am dangling about 75 feet on The Drop Zone. I am emotionally exhausted… not feeling fab physically… but doing a happy dance. My biopsy is Monday. I’m trying to enjoy my view from The Drop Zone. Everything looks so small, pretty and peaceful. I hope by the end of the week there is a plan. The fact that there is no plan gives me more anxiety. What is next for me? I don’t know. I do know that I’m ready to get off The Drop Zone and into the batting cages.