Consult Time

June 25, 2020

Type “Cancer” into any search engine and hundreds of web pages will pop up for you to peruse. There is a lot you can find online about cancer.  However, I haven’t found a lot about recurrent cancer. YouTube was such a massive help to me the first time around. Finding influencers who were thriving in their own fight against breast cancer encouraged, informed and inspired me. Maybe I’m not looking in the correct places, but I’m not finding much about the second time around. I hope that means there’s not so many of us who have had to kick cancer’s ass twice! For that reason, I’m taking you on my journey. I hope this blog will inspire you and remind you that you aren’t alone. In whatever journey you are on… cancer… life… love… that this blog will inspire you to keep going and always find the light in the darkness.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way let’s get you up to date. I have chosen (at this point) not to post on social media what is going on with my health. I moved to Illinois and am currently camped out at my parents condo in Evanston. I get keys to my apartment, in Chicago, July 1. Yes! The background check finally came back (insert happy dance here) Due to COVID-19 it took three weeks to get the check back! I still don’t know when the movers are coming. Please don’t get me started on that (insert eye roll). However, I will tell you never ever go with a moving broker. Speaking of moving… let’s move on to this cancer I’m going to kick to the curb.

The day after learning my cancer was back I was on the phone. My final day in NYC was me on the phone and email with Sloan Kettering and Northwestern Memorial Hospital. My plan… to get appointments with the oncologist and surgeon before I start work on July 6. Why you ask? Well, I wanted to have some sort of idea of what I was dealing with before telling my new employer. Talk about awkward. I just knew I didn’t want to start day 1 at work dropping a bomb… and dropping a bomb with not much info other than, “I have cancer.” 

So let’s fast-forward to June 25. My mom and dad drive me down to Prentice Women’s Hospital fo meet my surgeon. Yes, I was able to get an appointment pretty quick. However, not all my slides where there. For those of you recently diagnosed with cancer, and was done so not at the hospital you are going for surgery or treatment… note to self. You will be stressed as getting the pathology, etc. It is not as easy as it sounds. I spent most of my time from the 22nd up until the 25th following up with Sloan Kettering and trying to get Northwestern Memorial what I had to them. I wanted to ensure my surgeon would be able to make an informed decision with as much of the information as she could. I am still waiting FISH results and Northwestern is still awaiting pathology slides. 

My parents couldn’t be with me at the appointment due to COVID-19. However, the surgeon allowed them to join the consult on FaceTime. No big surprises here. I figured mastectomy and chemo. However, the “keep the nipple” and “do you want to keep both boobs” were two things I hadn’t thought of. She suggested just do a single mastectomy. She also suggested nipple sparing surgery as I was a good candidate. I told her I’d have to to think about the double vs single mastectomy but that “Yay!” nipple. The only bad thing about the consult was that I had hoped to have surgery in July. The new show I’m working for launches September 1. I figured get it out of the way and the cancer train could move on. However, surgery is now in August. Speaking of surgery… I met with my plastic surgeon. I didn’t quite expect that at all, but was grateful he squeezed me in. Unlike the surgeon, I was not so prepared for this consult. He suggested reconstruction (which I had planned) no nipple and also one boob. Due to my prior radiation, he also brought up the latissimus flap reconstruction. I decided “no nipple,” and add the add-on. I mean, I wish it was like an add-on you get at a nail spa. Sure! I’ll add on a massage to the pedicure. This… not so much. However, if it gives me peace of mind that the implant will take… I’m all for it.

So now… decision time. Will it be a single or double? And no, I’m not talking liquor. 

The Big "C"

June 18, 2020

It’s nearly 2am on Thursday, June 18th. I can’t sleep. My biopsy site hurts. I’m nauseous and have a headache. In less than 24 hours movers will be here to pack up my NYC apartment. That is not why I can’t sleep. My cancer is back. It’s in the same breast. It’s slightly larger and hopefully by the time I leave The Big Apple Saturday, I’ll know what kind of cancer it is. Is it same? Is it different? Has is spread? That answer will come in scans I have to take before I start my new job on July 6. Oh yeah. Did I mention that? I start a new job in a little over two weeks. It’s hard enough to get a cancer diagnoses during any time. It’s crazy during a Pandemic, a move to a new city and a new job transition. I have to find a new team and for that… I am grateful my current team at Sloan Kettering will help find me some doctors. 

Let’s rewind to  the following Friday. I head into my mammogram appointment at Sloan Kettering Memorial Cancer Center. For those of you who don’t know…I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016. This mammogram was a follow up to one in March. I had found a lump near the scar of my lumpectomy site. It was determined to be scar tissue. So, as you can imagine… I didn’t expect this mammogram to be any different than the other follow up mammograms and ultrasounds I’ve had since 2016. 

However, you know it’s never a good sign when during the ultrasound… the radiologist pulls out a ruler. My heart sank a little but I tried to stay positive. I never have had much scanxiety. Now, it was slowly seeping in. I tried to talk myself into the reasoning that the ruler was out to compare the current image to the one in March.  I put on my t-shirt and waited. 10 minutes later the same radiologist came in… with a doctor. Again, not a good sign. Turns out it was suspicious. The usually clear scan was not. It was time for a biopsy. 

On June 16th I went in bright and early for the procedure. Already, it was a busy week. I was moving and trying to get my background check results on the apartment I had applied for in Chicago. The biopsy went well. They told me I’d hear back by the end of the week. As I waited for the movers … in what was already a frustrating day for me (don’t ask LOL)… my cell rang. It was the same doctor. Good news. Results are in. Bad news. The cancer was back. I legit couldn’t believe it. I partly didn’t believe it because my team gave me a 5% chance of recurrence. Then I freaked out. Now, on top of all the blessings of moving to Chicago, a new job and a new apartment… this nasty thing called cancer had to show up uninvited to the Welcome Home party. I just thought to myself, “Seriously? WTH!”  I called a friend  sobbing and then quickly got myself together as the movers arrived. Cancer would have to wait… for now.

Winds of Change

Everything happens for a reason. I am true believer of that. 

8 years ago I came to New York to fulfill a dream of working in The Big Apple. It took years of hard work, “no’s” and determination to get to ABC. I left a good job I enjoyed in Chicago to try something new in television. I am so grateful for the people I have met, the challenges I have faced, the friendships I have made and the new skills I have learned. I am forever grateful for my parents who helped make this dream possible with their love and support. However, it is time to go. You know… when it’s time to go. You just know. That time has arrived for me… in the middle of a pandemic. LOL While leaving during this crazy time is bittersweet… I’m looking forward to being closer to family, back in the Midwest (with central air!) and to the adventure and challenge that’s ahead of me. 

I am returning to “Chicago’s Very Own,” to be part of News Nation on WGN America. This new 3 hour national program, launching September 1, has a goal of straight-forward, straight down the middle news without the debate and opinion you might see elsewhere. The vision of News Nation leaders for how to present the stories that effect you and me is partly what attracted me to this opportunity. I can’t wait to see it evolve and grow and share it with you. 

You know, I worked at WGN before I came to NYC. I had just finished a wonderful three year contract at WISN in Milwaukee. WGN was my first non line producing job. It was fun to learn  something new with great people. I then learned something new when I started on the Regional Desk at ABC. Now I get to take that experience with me back home to Chicago! My current job has prepared me for my future job. Funny, huh? It has all come full circle. The winds of change are blowing me back to The Windy City.

New York will always be special to me. It’s where I beat cancer. It’s where I saw my dream become a reality. It’s where my love of Broadway was reignited. It won’t be goodbye. It’s, “See you later!” As King George sings in Hamilton the Musical, “I’ll be back.” But, for now… it’s time to move forward. To keep going. Change is exciting and scary. You have to remember to live life fearlessly. As Robin Roberts said, “Why would you let fear keep you from your destiny.”

Your Reflection

What is a body? It’s a vessel that holds your organs, yes. It also carries your desires, hopes and dreams. When we think about our bodies we may think about the rolls we have… how many pounds we have to lose… our imperfections. But, what about the things regarding our bodies that to others… are perfect. Why do we fail to often acknowledge those? 

Our bodies are our temples, yet we often look at them with disdain. Working on a better me includes not just my mind, but my body. As I work to tighten and tone my temple to a way that makes me feel better... and only me... I try my best to remember to thank my skin, rolls and veins that give me life and protect me.

What do you see when you look in the mirror? I hope you see the love and hope you offer others. I hope you see the battles you have won and the fights you have lost. Most importantly I hope you remember that your body helped you through those times… with no judgement... no matter what your shape or size. 

Just be you and work towards the you that makes you amazing. Step out of your own shadow and into your own reflection of light.

A Moment In Time

People passing by—all on their own paths to destinations unknown to me. 

A piano sings out tunes, thanks to the sweet red-headed teen playing with fire. 

The boys’ fingers dancing on the cool keys. 

People are buzzing around like birds.

Some stop to listen.

Others check the boards.

Others grab a drink.

Two cops twirl their way past the piano while a dad with a double stroller waits for his wife who is buying chocolate.

A sweet treat on a sweet day to be alive.

BElieve in YOUrself

Happy Monday everyone!

It’s been the “Weekend of me.”

A weekend where I decided to unplug from social media … and (most of the time) my phone.

It’s been a busy, crazy but good past two weeks. Sometimes though, you need to unplug and be alone. In a city like New York City… packed with people…you can still feel alone. That’s a good thing and it is okay! It’s okay to want to take time for you. To do you. To just go to bed early and take three serenity strolls a day. It’s okay.

As my three year cancerversary sneaks up I’ve noticed a change. I think it took a moment of meltdown a couple of weeks ago… but I finally came to honestly accept this realization: I am who I am and not everyone is going to like or understand me. I know I can be a bit much when it comes to my cup half full, positive personality. That's just me. It’s what makes me me. I think that’s why when I was confronted about a greeting I use daily (which is not unusual and quite common) I was shocked. I was essentially being told the greeting is, “too nice and odd” and “people” are asking, “Why does Jessica do that?” I was baffled at first. I was baffled because: 

A) I thought it was silly in the grand scheme of things.

B) I’d been doing it for years.

C) I was essentially being told not be me because some people felt it made me less credible and too nice.

The fact that people feel it’s odd to be nice in the workplace... or anywhere... just boggles my mind. Being kind and nice is something we all should be. Who wakes up saying, “I’m going to be mean today!?” It doesn’t matter what you do or who you work for. We all deserve kindness. There is no question about that. Your words are the greatest power you have. Use them with thought and care. Be mindful of how you speak them... no matter what kinda of day you are having. Be kind.

So, as we start this week off… I want to use my words to lift you up. 

*You are capable of greatness. 

*Your quirks are cool. 

*You slay. 

*You being here on this planet matters. 

*Something you say or do this week may mean nothing much to you but will mean something to someone.

If someone tries to empty your cup grab it back… maybe help try fill their cup. Be your own light if someone tries to dim it. You’re the only person who can control its’ brightness. 

Most importantly…tell your story. Don’t run away from who you are. I mean… as Goldie Hawn once said, “Who else is there better to be?” 

Everybody Say Yeah!

t's a bittersweet week on The Great White Way. The factory of Kinky Boots on Broadway is closing its' doors on Sunday. As many of you know this is a show near and dear to my heart. People in the cast... past and present... all have left, and continue to leave, little red sparkles of heeled footprints on my heart.

I have seen Kinky Boots 42 times. I hope to make it the factory (come on lotto luck) one more time. 

I wanted to take a moment to write a little something to everyone who has ever been involved with this production. I know this show has touched people from every corner of the world. 

Thank you.

Dear Kinky Boots,

Thank you for raising me up when I felt down.

For telling a story of love and acceptance.

For your openness to everyone who has ever stepped into the theatre.

Thank you for singing about sparkly, shiny, sexy boots... in red. (We all know sex is the heel)

To anyone reading this... remember to pursue the truth, let love shine and that you can change the world when you change your mind.

Most importantly... "Just Be!" 

Have a Kinktastic final week at the factory and let love shine! 

Below are the links to all the Kinky Boots related posts I've written. 

https://theworldaccordingtojaz.blogspot.com/2012/09/are-you-ready-boots.html

https://theworldaccordingtojaz.blogspot.com/2013/03/sharpie-smackdown.html

https://theworldaccordingtojaz.blogspot.com/2013/03/its-kinky-time.html

https://theworldaccordingtojaz.blogspot.com/2013/03/kinky-time-part-2.html